The Dancers Perfectionism

Stretch your knees, shoulders down, tail in, tummy in… oh that’s right it’s 2012… I mean lengthen both sides of the body equally… and now smile! I don’t know about you, but my experience of being a dancer and now a teacher has been a journey. Excuse the cliché, but I live in Byron Bay and maybe we use the word “Journey” too much. Actually I am personally sick of that ambiguous word which alludes to hardships coated in a deep profound yet positive (and again abstract) self discovery. However, I will be more direct in my statement and boldly say that the life of a dancer is a journey of perfectionism. From a young age we are trained to master technique. Our teachers constantly remind us of our dance corrections to bodily imperfections. Their voices are permanently marked in our brains and echoed through time. I can still hear my teacher ….“Kate pull up your knobby knees!” My knees were the bane of my dance existence and the more experienced I became, the better I was at hiding my hereditary shameful knobs by extending my leg line.

In a way, we dancers are like magicians. We create an illusion of complete effortless, visual athletic beauty for our audience and yet behind the scenes our feet bleed and our bodies ache. However, our success depends on how much we transcend such pain and show godliness on the stage at all times, no matter what! We become conditioned to perfectionism in our craft and are praised for it professionally, but what can happen when perfectionism seeps into our other areas of our life?

Perfectionism has both positive and negative aspects. However, when we require our life to be “perfect” like the illusions we create on the stage, we can set ourselves up for inflexibility in our thinking. When an ideal outcome is not achieved we can change our perception, creatively respond and change our approach, alter our expectations or shift direction and adapt to the situation at hand which is a positive approach for both our mental health and wellbeing. However, if we are inflexible in our thinking and perceive an intended outcome in a black and white fashion, then we can suffer mentally, physically and creatively when our ideals are not met. In some cases this can lead to depression, anxiety and other mentally and emotionally limiting states of experience.

Some examples of perfectionism out of control may include;

• Expecting others to fulfill your every need and unmet ideals

• Black and white thinking and using exclusive terms in your language such as; always, never, must, mustn’t, have to, have not

• Separating your persona into one for the public display and one for your private life to extreme degrees

• Being overly critical towards yourself and others

If you find that you fall into the category of seeking perfectionism in your day to day life to extreme levels that it affects your relationships and general wellbeing, then seek out a health care professional. Alternatively one of our consultants may be able to assist with life balance tips.

5 Tips to ensure for a Healthy Mind for the Perfectionist

• It’s not personal! Learning to separate your craft from who you are is healthy. You are not what you do. Therefore receiving feedback about your dance should be done in an objective fashion with the premise always being that YOU are not what you do. Learning some basic meditation and breathing exercises for relaxation and letting go will be a great help.

• Accept people for who they are instead of what you wish they were (this does not mean accepting disrespectful behavior) understanding that everyone is different and that often we have to adapt to those differences if we want a relationship with them

• Accept that not everything will happen overnight and your way. Create goals that are congruent to your values and be sure to include realistic timeframes. Goals that are created in too short a time frame can create unnecessary anxiety and even burnout.

• Pat yourself on the back and write down all the positive achievements in your life so far. To you they may not seem brilliant, but believe me, they are! Perfectionists are much more critical of themselves, so we need to remember to enjoy the ride.

• Take up a hobby or recreational exercise that is for enjoyment purposes only.

 

Enjoy your journey in dance and know that it is a journey that will unfold each step at a time.

Life's A Cruise - Interview with Jeffrey Trinidad

Last December, I had the pleasure of being a guest on the Royal Caribbean Cruise Ship Rhapsody of The Seas. The 10 day cruise was very relaxing and just what my family and I needed after a hectic 2011.

During the day, we relaxed, swam, and visited some of the many islands surrounding New Caledonia and Vanuatu. In the evenings, we were treated to world class meals and spectacular shows. The entertainment comprised of a themed variety event every night, with music courtesy of the Rhapsody of The Seas Orchestra, and dazzling performances from scores of dancers and singers. It was during the first evening show that I discovered an especially remarkable young dancer by the name of Jeffrey Trinidad. As I watched Jeffrey glide through the air so effortlessly and with such magnetism, I thought it would be nice for aspiring and professional dance readers to learn more about the life of this dancer at sea.

Name: Jeffrey Trinidad

Age: 21

How long have you been dancing? Eleven years! I started when I was ten years old in a small suburban school in Melbourne.

What inspired you to start dancing? I listened to a lot of Michael Jackson. My parents’ love of the star influenced me and soon enough I wanted to be like him, to dance like him. Eventually my mum encouraged me to join a dance school. At first I refused, but after watching the first class I decided that I wanted to join and ever since then I’ve not been able to stop.

You have supportive dance parents? Yes I do. However, coming from a traditional Asian family they wanted me to do something more with my life than dance. They didn’t mind me dancing but they wanted me to have a “normal” job. It took some convincing, but they came around and now they are happy seeing me do what I love (and getting paid for it).

Where did you train during your formative years? Isolation Performing Arts Studio in Tullamarine. I also trained full time at this school for one year. The principal of that school, Kerrie Power, then encouraged me to move on to professional level.

When did you start participating in dance auditions? I started auditioning for random dance shows and events half way through my full-time training. It wasn’t until my first year out of full-time training that I started getting work. I auditioned for Royal Caribbean Cruises three times and it wasn’t until the third time that I got the contract. I am currently on my third contract with Royal Caribbean.

After your first audition, when you found out you didn’t get in, how did you feel and how did you deal with that? At first it was hard to accept that I wasn’t getting the gig. Having to go through the whole competition life, and being the token dance boy where I trained, I was spoon fed a lot. So the reality of a dancer’s life was a shock at first. It breaks your ego and you have to finally come to terms with the fact that you are not the best dancer and that you still have a lot to learn. So, ever since that first audition, I’ve been of the belief that “I am not the best dancer and there will always be someone better than me, but I am going to give my absolute best!’

What do you advise young dancers with regard to auditions? Don’t give up! If you really want something, put it out there and show the casting panel your best! Don’t ever just mark out the steps. Make sure you give 100% and keep going. You will get there.

What is it like having a job on a cruise ship? It’s great. Your get paid to travel and with Royal Caribbean you are contracted for dance entertainment only, meaning I don’t have to do any other cruise staff duties. This enables me to concentrate on my job and give my best. I’m living the dream.

How often during your busy schedule of work and travel are you able to visit your family? Sometimes we can have a few months off so I can visit family and friends during those times.

Do you have an agent? Yes, I am with Jason Coleman’s Ministry of Dance.

Growing up as a male dancer, what was High School like for you? High School was tough. It was hard being the male dancer that got picked on and called names. However, these experiences made me more comfortable within myself. Bullying is always a reflection of the bullies’ insecurities. I am probably a much happier person now than they are.

What other dance goals do you have? I would love to be in the musical Cats! I really want to be Mr Mistoffelees!

Thank you to Jeffrey for sharing his world of dance with us. We wish him all the best and hope to see him as Mr Mistoffelees very soon!

Quiet Parenting

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AUSTRALIA’S FIRST ‘LIVE’ ONLINE PARENT EDUCATION COURSES
A psychologist and an aircraft engineer have teamed‐up to design Australia’s first ‘live’ online parent education program. Michael Hawton and Brett Drinkwater – with their respective spouses – have seven children between them. Hawton has over 20 years experience and his company has trained over 4,500 family services workers in parent education nationally and Drinkwater is an e‐learning expert, who has experience in the corporate sector.

• Quiet Parenting is an engaging interactive e‐course, taught to parents as a “real‐time” parent education program – of groups of up to 20 parents.

• The Australian Institute of Family Studies has found support for this view in its recent surveys of parents, finding that over a quarter of parents would prefer to learn about parenting online.

• With the arrival of the National Broadband Network in Australia, the time is ripe for expanding into this type of format for online parent education. Quiet Parenting equips parents with easy‐to‐use strategies they can apply immediately. Family life will become more peaceful and parents will feel less stressed. Best of all, over the longer term, parents will be teaching their children important life‐long skills that will help them to selfregulate.

As the first in a number of courses, Quiet Parenting is aimed at helping parents of 2‐12 year olds to manage their children’s difficult behaviour – quietly. The program is tailored to teach parents practical strategies for dealing with children’s difficult behaviour, without having to raise their voices to gain cooperation from their children. Two other parent courses – one for parents of teenagers ‐ are in development, and Indigenous and on‐English‐speaking parent’s online versions of the Quiet Parenting program are to be released in 2012.

Held as both morning and evening programs, Quiet Parenting courses begin, nationwide, in October 2011 and easy enrolment is found at http://www.parentschool.com.au/ Michael Hawton, MAPS has created the Quiet Parenting for parents who would find it difficult to attend face‐to‐face courses. “The program is easy to sit‐down to after getting the kids off to school in the morning or after they go to bed in the evening. We believe that this format will be particularly useful for parents from rural areas who would have less access to parent education classes. It would also be useful to parents in city environments, where parents find it difficult to go out again after a hard day’s work,” Hawton said.

Quiet Parenting courses are facilitated by parenting experts, who are also virtual classroom leaders, so parents have the benefit of online education but also opportunities to exchange ideas in a “real‐time” learning environment. According to Drinkwater, “the program is full of interactive learning experiences. Parents meet online for one‐and‐a‐half‐hours sessions, once a week over four weeks. They’ll learn lots of great new skills and gain knowledge to better understand their children’s behaviour by way of expert commentary, whiteboard exercises, slideshows, videos, work sheets, and group activities – all aimed at making this type of learning as engaging as possible”. “The latest findings in neuroscience show that the brain is somewhat plastic and that connections in the brain can improve in response to repeated behaviour. Parents who give their
children practice at ‘toggling’ (or switching) between their old reactive brain and new rational brain, will help their children to become better at self‐regulating”, Hawton said.

Many people say that interactive e‐learning is more suited to a better learning compared to non‐interactive parenting online courses in Australia, because parents learn together and have the opportunity of exchanging ideas and experiences.

Written by a psychologist, but less expensive than seeing a psychologist* on a one to one basis, Quiet Parenting uses internet technology to bring the best of parenting advice within easy reach wherever you live in Australia.
http://www.parentschool.com.au/

* Based on the APS recommended fee